How to Talk to Your Family About Your Estate Plan
I get it: life is busy, and many of us only get together with our families a couple of times a year. During these special moments, we want to catch up, have fun, and keep it light. So, when I tell you it’s time to get your family together to talk about your estate plan, you may not get too excited. However, setting aside some time to discuss your wishes and plans is crucial to keeping everyone on the same page and making the process of establishing your legacy not only seamless, but enjoyable.
Who should attend this conversation?
Be sure to invite all to the table who will be affected by, or have a hand in, the execution of your estate and legacy plan. This includes your estate planning attorney and any other advisors, as well as family members and other loved ones who are beneficiaries of the will and/or will play important roles in its execution. If you are in a second marriage, it is crucial to include any children from a prior marriage or relationship – as well as your current spouse – in this conversation. If someone cannot attend in person, try to arrange to have them call in over video chat. It is important to try to get everyone “in the room” together so they can ask questions and hear your wishes. The added advantage of having your estate planning attorney and other advisors present is that everyone will get a chance to get to know each other in a comfortable setting.
What you should cover when talking about your estate plan
While this conversation does not need to be a thorough reading of every document in your estate plan, it is important to cover the following topics:
- Who you’ve chosen to perform important duties
Everyone who you have chosen to be in the room for the discussion of your estate plan should be aware of those you have chosen as executor, powers of attorney, and guardians for your children (if they are under 18). It is common for people to choose their eldest grown child to act as executor of the will. If this is you, it is important that all of your children are aware of this decision. You may even involve them in your decision process by asking if any one of them wants the job, and carefully considering together who would be the best equipped to handle this important role. This is also the time to discuss who you’ve chosen as your power of attorney and your wishes for what should happen if you become incapacitated and unable to express your wishes down the road.
- Handling of family keepsakes
During this conversation, you should discuss the plan to distribute valuable and/or sentimental family keepsakes. Perhaps you take this time to ask if anyone has their heart set on something in particular, and this is a great time to discuss the history of these treasured items. You may even consider beginning the distribution at the time of this discussion rather than waiting until after you pass away.
- How you’ve woven your values into your estate plan
Take this special moment when everyone is gathered together to share the values and beliefs you hold close to your heart. Through your estate plan, you may choose to set up educational, charitable, or incentive trusts that align with these values, so it’s smart to get everyone up to speed on the reasoning behind these decisions so they do not come as a surprise.
- Memorial planning
When a person passes away, it is not only a time of immense grieving for loved ones, but also a time of great stress. You can alleviate some of this stress your family will feel on your passing by laying out your wishes for a memorial/funeral. Your estate planning attorney or another trusted advisor can help you understand your options and answer questions as you make these decisions. This is another topic that you may want your family’s input on, so this family meeting is a good time to have this discussion.
- Your personal family history
Arguably the most valuable thing you can leave your loved ones is your memory, and a great way to do that is to take the opportunity, while you are all together, to record some of your stories. Let family members ask you questions and share memories. These recordings will not only be treasured by those who knew you, but by those members of your family not yet born (imagine if you could listen to your great-great-grandparents talking about their lives). Another way to preserve your memory is to write it down, is something you can do over time.
You may also want to take the opportunity, while you are all together, to share what you know of your family tree. This is not only interesting to loved ones but can be useful in the future as they research and learn more about your ancestry. The last thing you want after your passing is for your family to argue about your estate plan. Not only can disputes cost time and money, but the emotional toll on a family can be huge and long-lasting. Though it doesn’t sound like the most fun event, sitting everyone down to discuss your wishes and plans before you pass away gives you a chance to explain your decisions (or make decisions together), answer questions, and pass on wisdom.
You may even find that this special time together turns into a treasured memory for yourself and others. I’m estate planning attorney Paul Margerie, proudly helping clients in Brookfield, Wauwatosa, Elm Grove, Waukesha, and Milwaukee plan for a safe and stable future for their loved ones. For questions on any aspect of your estate plan, give me a call today. landscaping brownsville tx, Lawyers in Elizabeth NJ
